Sadness

...to write again.

Sadness. Melancholy. Loneliness. That's all it took to get me running back to my blog.

Since I came to Dubai, never had I felt such an overwhelming sense of sadness until last night. It came out of nowhere really. I was doing fine, albeit very busy, the entire day Sunday; but I was as fine and dandy as I usually am on any given day.

Until I stepped out of the office last night, and stood for a good few minutes in the parking lot tinkering with my phone to find a good playlist to accompany me on my kilometer-long walk towards the Metro station.

The culprit? A cat.

Yes. A cat. A full grown orange cat with eyes so earnestly wide and fur so painfully soft.



Here's what I wrote (on MS Word) this morning about the encounter:

Met a lovely orange cat outside the office last night. I was standing by the entrance, tinkering with my phone, looking for a good song to play on my earphones. He (I think it was a male cat, I'm not sure) came out of nowhere. I just felt a warm sensation against my leg and looked down to find this fine feline lovingly rubbing himself against me. 

The crazy animal lover that I am, I couldn't resist stooping down and playing with him for a while. I tickled the back of his ears and under his jaw. I think he loved it because he purred. Yes, he did. His paw reached out to touch my hand, and I felt a bit scared that he might scratch me. But instead of sharp claws, I only felt warm soft fur resting on my palm. I managed a smile. For a while, we played; me running in circles, and him following me around. He was pretty sweet and obviously very playful.  

When I ended our game and decided to go on my way, I was surprised to see that he came to walk with me as well. I hiked a whole block, but still saw him walking beside me. I was both happy and bewildered, nevertheless I let him be. For a couple of blocks, we walked side by side, until I had to cross a busy intersection with traffic lights. Then it hit me.

I felt like a bucket of cold water has just been doused over me. An overwhelming sense of sadness washed over me like never before when I realized he couldn't follow me home. I couldn't bring him home. He can't ride the Metro. He can't stay in the apartment. It took a while to register, and I just stood there feeling rather stunned. After a heartbeat, I had to stoop down, and tell him I had to go and that he couldn't come with me. (Believed me, I talked to him. Good thing there was no one else there who might think me crazy.)

I don't know if he understood, but he just sat there and looked at me with those same wide beseeching eyes. I bade him goodbye when the traffic light turned red. He didn't follow and just watched me as I cross the street. When I reached the other side, I turned to look and he was still there. I gave him a small wave, and that's when he turned and walked back the way we came. I swear I could feel a tear or two dribble down my cheek. 

For the rest of my way home, I couldn't stop thinking about that cat. I fell asleep with a heavy aching heart, and still feel a bit out of sorts today. I wonder if I'd see him again tonight. I'd like to think that he was my Guardian Angel showing himself to me and just keeping me company in the form of an adorable and playful cat.

 Yeah, whatever makes me sleep at night, I guess.